Friday, December 21, 2012

America the Beautiful

It’s been two and a half years since I left this place. And I have loved moving back to Zimbabwe as an adult and starting a life as a working professional back at home. However, since coming to the States last week for an important wedding I have realized that there are some wonderful things about this country. Things that I appreciate a great deal.

1. Bagels and Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Wow. Such a simple combination of bread and dairy but there is nothing simple about these two. I have missed you, bagel and cream cheese.

2. Highways. Oh the joy of driving down a wide, well-kept road at high speeds. Crossing distances safely and swiftly. I am driving on one right now and preparing to post this blog post online from my bus seat. Yes, my bus has wifi. Did I mention wifi?

3. Free high speed internet. Within my first 5 fours in the country I was sitting in MacDonalds skyping my family. Connection fee? One small fries, thank you.

4. Shops with sales and second hand stores. Oh how I and my wardrobe have missed 50% off sales and clearance racks. Yesterday my sister and I found a coat originally for $50 for $4.98. It didn’t fit either of us (we tried) but we bought it anyway and donated it to the store’s clothing drive.

5. Deep conversations about things that matter. Okay, we get these in Zimbabwe, but somehow I tend to have them more in the US.

6. Variety – in people, things and food.

7. The ease of life. Go out and buy a coat. Get to anywhere in a new town using google maps and a GPS. Plan a meal and go out and buy everything you need for it.

8. Good coffee almost anywhere.


And, yet, there are things that I have not missed that also came crashing back very soon after touching down.

1. The feeling that, even though my outside and passport fits in here more than they sometimes do at home, I am a stranger here and that feeling of not quite belonging in large groups of Americans is uncomfortable and sometimes hard to deal with.

2. The way I can’t help my voice changing, ever so subtly, so that people can understand my accent a bit easier. My t’s become d’s, my r’s a little thicker.

3. The way it is so easy to spend money here.

4. Too much choice! That’s another reason my commitment to clearance racks (and vegetarianism!) is so handy.

5. Waste. Of food, space, money and the blindness to it.

6. Bad tea almost everywhere.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Zimbabwe, and Me

I've read two excellent pieces of writing within the last week about Zimbabwe, place and white people and I've consequently been thrown back in time to memories of my own thinking of these topics almost three years ago as I worked through my honours thesis on the topic of white unbelonging.

I've just finished "Shame: confessions of an aid worker in Africa" by Jillian Reilly (2012). A fascinating read. She retells her experiences living in South Africa and Zimbabwe in the 1990s and coming to terms with the truths and horrors of trying to "do good" in places she didn't understand and wasn't ever completely let into or part of.

Over the weekend I read another very well written piece, "Being Accepted at Home", yet to be published, by my sister. I'll post the link to the article once it wins the competition it was written for. The essay was supposed to be about assumptions changed and challenged, or something like that. She wrote about her own story realising her whiteness and the historical and present implications of it as a Zimbabwean living both in and outside Zimbabwe.

I would do both these pieces injustice if I tried to summarise them here. The point is they made me think, as good writing should. Being back in the US for a brief spell has made me remember all the things I actually like about this place (another post about that) but has also very quickly reminded me about what I struggled so much to live with living here. I am so comfortable, almost content, almost flourishing at times, in my life at home right now. Everyone I meet asks when I will be leaving Zimbabwe. What are my plans for the future. I don't have any right now. Vague ideas but no plans and, though I'm not sure how it will happen or what it will look like, I'm beginning to realise that I don't want to leave Zim. I'm beginning to find a place there and the nervous, apologetic feelings of feeling out of place and like I'm intruding in my own country are slowly being replaced by a confident, sure, sometimes angry belief -- that's not quite the right word but it will have to do for now -- that I do have a right to belong, maybe to flourish, there. That no one can tell me that I don't.