I'm coming back... slowly...
2 October
At the very beginning of my student teaching, when I had actually got to
the all-important teaching part that
the previous three years of assignments, readings and class lectures had led up
to, I remember sending a letter to my parents with the subject: “I’m in love”.
My poor mother heart’s leapt for a minute and then she read my letter (and I’m
sure her loving heart leapt again, but alas, not for the original reasons). I was in love
with teaching. There was no other way to describe it – I had found the place
that I am most happy and comfortable: at the front of the classroom.
I still love the act of teaching; I have begun to see its broken,
painful, soul-wearying parts since I have started doing it “for real”. But I am
still in love with it.
However, I love students more. I think about my classes (and yes, it is
true, there are ones I… like more)
and I have this feeling of utter joy and love welling in me.
I sat with a student yesterday, trying to mend a messy relationship
(that had resulted in a very difficult lesson to teach last Tuesday) and told
her that relationships were the most important part of my teaching, of my life.
And they are. An incredibly wise man once told our student teaching class to
find other things in our life besides our teaching. This troubled me for some
time. I eventually took my worries to him. What if I never have anything else?
What if teaching is my all, my life? And he said that was okay.
I’m listening to a song right now by Matt Maher, “Christ is Risen”. The
chorus has two beautiful lines:
Come awake, come awake,
Come and rise up from the
grave!
Cue Inner Dad’s Voice
Now, now, Beks, don’t take
things out of context. You can’t apply these words randomly to teaching. They
are not talking about teaching but about—
Yes, Inner Dad’s Voice, that’s
true (I take delight in interrupting Inner Dad’s Voice). It is about Christ having risen. But, you see, that is the point.
(Despite not having a face, Inner Dad’s Voice manages to look skeptical)
I look at my students, at the ones who make me laugh in so many way, who
make me cry for so many reasons, and I see God. He is there. I recently had a
very difficult situation with a large group of students who shook my view of
them and humanity and goodness and evil (still processing that blog). But,
what I realized, through a lot of thinking and talking, is that within each one
of these precious young people is, yes, evil, but also, the image of God. An
image that is capable of the most incredible beauty. This is a broken place, we
are broken people, but there are glimpses of the kingdom in the faces of my
students and the feeling of deep, deep love that I have for them.
And so, Inner Dad’s Voice, the whole
chorus rings true.
Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake,
Come and rise up from the
grave!
Christ is risen from
the dead
We are one with Him again
Come awake, come awake,
Come and rise up from the
grave!
This joy and love is straight from Him because He has risen and I am
awake and so in love with His students.
