1.
Expect, not the unexpected, but the worst. The
unexpected would be an improvement in power, or the switching on of power. The
worst might be any of the following:
a.
an announcement by the Hwange power station that
provides electricity the country that four units were “off the grid” and power
consequently being out for 3 days.
b.
power cuts that last longer than 24 hours and
cause freezers to defrost.
c.
the loss of an amazingly well-written blog post
because the alternate internet source used did not allow saving.
d.
the oil in the transformer at your local substation
being stolen and causing the substation to blow up.
2.
Expect the worse possible timing.
a.
the middle or just before the preparation of
supper.
b.
the middle of a shower fed by an electricity
dependent borehole*.
c.
the middle, beginning or end of the Wimbledon
finals, the season finale of Masterchef, a breaking news report on the fall of
______(insert current dictator’s name).
d.
the middle of your powerpoint/video dependent
lesson.
e.
the middle of your wedding.
3.
Make a plan. This plan may come in various forms
and stages:
a.
a gas stove
b.
a wood fire out back
c.
LED lights stuck up around the house
d.
a generator*
e.
an inverter*
f.
using dropbox to distribute your powerpoint to
your students so that when the power goes they can access it.
4.
Be flexible and learn new skills.
a.
Do not plan meals that need microwaves, grills
(gas ovens do not have grills), blenders or toasters.
b.
Learn to cook over a flame.
c.
Learn to take a bucket bath.
d.
Learn to hand wash.
e.
Learn patience.
5.
Ignore all rumours of improvements or positive
developments. Remember guideline 1.
a.
ZESA* has not been bought out by a private
company.
b.
the power situation will not improve.
6.
Believe all rumours of deterioration or negative
developments.
a.
the auditor of ZESA equipment is buying himself a larger generator.
b.
the transformer at your local substation has just blown.
c.
there is no
money to buy the transformer that has just blown at your substation.
7.
Don’t get attached to anything. Anything could
include:
a.
your favourite white blouse that is now pink
after being left in the water of the washing machine that stopped half way
through its cycle.
b.
your blog posts.
c.
your cake in the oven.
d.
hot showers.
e.
ironed clothes.
f.
television shows.
g.
access to electronic devices that have to be
charged or attached to a power source. Learn to enjoy reading or playing
scrabble.
8.
Make friends. These will come in handy as:
a.
contacts for cheap gas
stove/generators/invertors/firewood.
b.
lenders of freezer space/water/hot
showers/washing machines.
c.
fellow survivors.
*Zimbabwean Power-cut
glossary
generator: (n) a machine that produces
electricity run by an alternate fuel source such as petrol or diesel and makes
loud, annoying noise. The generator is
out of fuel.
inverter: (n) a electronic device that changes
direct current generally from a battery into alternating current. A small
inverter can run your television and lights, a large one can power your house.
You need electricity to charge the battery that runs your invertor. The inverter has not been charged: we cannot
watch American Idol.
ZESA: 1.
(abbrv.) Zimbabwe Electricity Supply Authority. ZESA has just announced that the substation has been overtaken by
terrorists.
2. (n) informal a Zimbabwean colloquialism synonymous with “electricity”. The Zesa was out; I couldn’t do my homework.
borehole: (n) the equivalent to an
American well. The borehole has finally
been connected to the house; now we can have water when we have power.
With thanks to John Bell who helped with the technical
language within this blog and ZESA for providing much fodder and helping to
make Zimbabweans better people, one powercut at a time.
This made me laugh out loud. Especially the glossary :)
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