Sometimes teaching just takes

It has not been a good week overall.

1. I had to tell two different upper level classes how disappointed I was in them with them not handing in work. Last week I sat down with one -- a group of Lower Sixes who have just chosen English Literature as one of their three A-Level subjects, emphasis on the chosen and had all failed the test because of simply not reading, who last week did not hand in their homework-- and at the beginning of the lesson in disappointment, asked, "Why are you here?" and then told them how they were destroying my love of teaching... well, not in so many words, but pretty close.

2. My matron (who lives in the hostel and looks after the girls as a "mother" figure and is old enough to be my grandmother) was not here on time on Monday when girls were being dropped off from the long weekend and the head of Boarding found out and told me I have to "speak strongly" to her about it... still haven't done that.

3. I feel even busier this term than last year and seem (somehow!) to have less time to plan creative lessons or to create new lessons and creating is one of my favourite parts of teaching and if I can't do it occasionally, I just don't feel fulfilled.

4. I had to be stern to a little Form One sent by the matron who had dropped the iron and broken it as she looked so sad and I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her it was okay--I've dropped many a thing in my day--but I can't because I'm supposed to be in charge and holding them all accountable and sometimes my job is to just look stern.

5. I missed a class. Yes, I just didn't go. It is a class that has been added to my teaching schedule and so I looked at an old timetable but still. And they had a party.

6. I spend most of my free time marking books, or thinking about marking books, or feeling guilty for not marking books.

7. I counselled two different girls with two different problems and I can't solve either of them.

8. To add insult to injury, I've ended up with 3 Lower Six classes (I asked for extra because I loved them so much last year) and they all seem to be a particularly uninspired lot who don't do their homework or think or care much about anything.

On the other hand, the last couple days have had some bright moments:

1. Toby--the resident campus dog--went crazy in one of my lessons, running around and barking at all the girls (usually he is very well-behaved and sleeps under someone's chair) and I thought, yet again, "This would never happen in the States."

2. One of my Form 3s complimented my colour combination of skirt and top (it's amazing what a compliment from a teenager can do to your self esteem!).

3. I had a lively, engaging discussion with my Upper Sixes about Introduction to Poetry by Billy Collins and marveled how one year group can be so different from the next. These are my L6s from last year, my favourite class then, the level I am despairing over right now. My U6s last year where my most dreaded, painful class and having any kind of discussion with them longer than two minutes was major work.

4. We sent off Amnesty International letters today to the North Korean UN Representative about closing Yodok Prison Camp and I think I may have made them think about the important uses of English outside of English class (shocking revelation, let me tell you).

5. I walked past one of my classes as they were having a Maths lesson and when they saw me (their teacher busy shutting the windows) they all waved excitedly--probably because I was a welcome distraction from vectors but, at this point, I'll take what I can get.

So I guess while I love this job and I know this is absolutely where I want and am meant to be right now, I'm realising just how much it takes from you and how little it leaves at times.